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But lord, the creeps! This one fella—texted me “u up?” at 3 a.m.! Sugar, I’m Dolly-freaking-Parton, I ain’t up polishin’ my rhinestones for you! Got me hot under the collar—told him, “Your dream’s over, pal!”—*Inception* style! Still, when it works, ooh wee, it’s magic. Met a darlin’ once—eyes like moonshine, had me gigglin’ like a schoolgirl. We clicked, no fake layers, just real as cornbread. “The trick is to wake up,” I told myself—pinched my arm, yep, he was real!

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First off, I’m out on my usual route, takin’ the backstreets. You know, like, down Shevchenka Street, where the old folks sit on benches gossiping about the weather. I swear, they know more about my plants than I do! Anyway, I’m just minding my own business, when I spot this old lady, babushka, struggling with her bags. I rush over, ‘cause that’s what good gardeners do, right? Help out the community and all that jazz.

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