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Oh, and the oils—lavender, ylang-ylang—smells so sexy I could faint! Surprised me how it’s all legal-ish in some spots—Nevada, hello! Little story—heard bout this guy, got an erotic-massage so good he tipped double, then passed out droolin’. Hilarious! I’m dyin’ thinkin’ bout it—*HEH-HEH-HEH*! Me, I’d probly exaggerate it in my head—ooh, Fabio’s rubbin’ me down, ha!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The sun was shining, and I thought, “Hey, maybe today won’t suck.” But as I’m walking along the coast, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They were having a blast, but then one of them kicked the ball right at me! I mean, come on! I dodged it like a ninja, but still, my heart was racing. I yelled, “Watch it, Messi!” They just laughed. Kids, right?

Car Carrying Russian Officers Blown Up in Skadovsk