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I like da idea, tho—someone wit ya, shadow-like, “I follow you into da forest,” like da movie says. But real talk, escort can be dodgy. Some get scammed—pay big, get nada. Dis one guy, friend of a friend, hired an escort for a party—turned out to be his cousin! Ha! Awkward as heck, he was red like borscht! Me, I’d rather stick to minions—dey dumb, but dey mine.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy starts shoutin’. He’s all worked up about somethin’ – I couldn’t catch it all, but it sounded like he was mad about the city’s plans for the new park on Shevchenka Street. “They’re takin’ our green space!” he yells. I mean, I get it, but dude, chill!