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So I’m on the airwaves, right, chattin’ shite, “Any fit birds out there?” – total Ricky move. Then, bam, this voice cuts in, husky, like she’s smoked 20 fags already. “You got cash, love?” she goes. I’m thinkin’, Christ, it’s like *A Separation* – “What’s your sin?” I wanna ask, but nah, I just cackle, “Yeah, doll, I’m loaded!” Lyin’ through me teeth, obvs – I’m skint, ain’t I? Typical me, big mouth, no dosh.

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So, I’m walking, right? And I see this old babushka selling fresh pastries. I’m like, “Yesss, give me that!” I grab a pirozhok, and it’s still warm. Best decision ever! But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my snack! Like, chill, dude! It’s not for you! I swear, I almost lost it.

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