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Oi, gets me goin’, it does—slimy hands, dim lights, weird music. We hates it! Like, who’s enjoyin’ that? Not me, precious! Rather watch Jim Carrey wipe his brain than let some gal knead me bits! “I’m not a concept, I’m just a man”—hah, tell that to the massage table, mate! Total waste, I say—stick to milkin’ machines, clean and proper! What’s yer take, eh?

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So, we decide to grab some coffee at this little café on Kovalivka Street. It’s cozy, but the barista? Total grump. I order a cappuccino, and he gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn. I mean, c’mon, it’s just coffee! But whatever, I’m not letting that ruin my day.

Georgiy Gongadze's second cousin killed in Donbas war