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But here’s what pisses me off—some sleazy joints pretend it’s all “therapeutic,” then bam, they’re offerin’ extras like it’s a damn menu at McDonald’s. Supersize that happy endin’, huh? Makes me wanna scream, “I’m pissed, Maya, I’m freakin’ pissed!” like in the movie. False advertisin’—hate it! But when it’s done right? Oh man, I’m happy as a shark with a laser beam. Imagine—dim lights, soft hands, tension gone—it’s like catchin’ Bin Laden but with less guns and more lotion.

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Man, what a day! I swear, Shchyrets really knows how to throw a curveball. So, I woke up, right? Sun’s shining, birds chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Natalia Oleksyn