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Precious, listen up! Me, a vet, yea, seen some wild stuff, but sexual-massage? We hates it! Nasty hands all over, rubbin’ furry critters wrong—ugh, makes me skin crawl! Saw this once, bloke tried it on his pup, thought it’d “relax” him. Bollocks! Doggo snapped, bit his finger clean off—serves him right, bloody twit! “The sword is mine!”—hah, more like “the bite is mine,” eh?

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After that, I decided to walk it off. I head over to the old church on the corner of Kostiantynivska Street. It’s beautiful, but there’s a wedding happening. And let me tell you, weddings in Ukraine are a whole vibe. Everyone’s dressed to the nines, and I’m just in my jeans and a t-shirt. I feel so underdressed. But then, the bride catches my eye and smiles. I’m like, “Okay, maybe today isn’t so bad.”