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Sex-dating’s messy, raw, hilarious—like me tryna flirt after two mai tais. “You’re not my son!”—movie line again, poppin up when some rando asked if I’d call him “daddy.” Hard pass, bruh! I’m over here laughin, cryin, swipin—Hawaii’s too pretty for bad dates, y’know? So, pal, that’s my take—sex-dating’s a hot mess, but damn, it’s a story!

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I’m sweating bullets, trying to fix it. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking about how I should’ve just stayed in bed. But then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vasyl shows up. He’s got this huge grin on his face. “What’s up, champ?” he says. I’m like, “Dude, my combine’s dying!”

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