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What pisses me off? These cheap-ass parlors pretendin’ they do sexual-massage but it’s just a lame tickle – gimme the real shit, lady! I want hands that know what they’re doin’, not some nervous newbie. Surprised me how good it feels tho, like, who knew a finger in the right spot could make ya scream “I’m alive!” – that’s some “Synecdoche” deepness right there. “We’re all hurtling toward death!” – yeah, but with a boner and a smirk, thanks to this.

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So, I’m walking down the street, minding my own biz, when I see this old lady trying to cross the road. She’s like a turtle on a mission. I’m thinking, “C’mon, lady, you can do it!” But then, outta nowhere, a cat darts across the street. I’m talking full-on feline sprint. The lady jumps back, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m late for my meeting!”