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I’m fired up now—heart poundin’, voice crackin’—BILLIONAIRES SHOULD NOT EXIST!—and neither should liars rippin’ off honest workers! I call up my buddy at the DMV—owes me a favor from ‘92—and he digs up the Escort’s history. Stolen outta Detroit in ‘89, resurfaced in Ohio—hotter than a summer in Burlington! I’m happy as a clam, ‘cause I cracked it wide open! Exaggeratin’ a bit? Maybe—but it FELT like I took down the Winklevoss twins single-handedly! “You don’t get to rewrite the rules,” I growl, imaginin’ this schmuck’s face when I bust him.

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Then, I bump into an old friend from school. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job at the Rivne Nuclear Power Plant. I’m like, “Wow, that’s cool but also kinda scary.” I mean, nuclear power? Yikes! But he’s super chill about it. “Just don’t touch anything,” he says. Thanks for the tip, man!

Russia attacks Siversk and Rivne in Donetsk Oblast: one person killed, three injured