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Me? I’d be skulkin’, peekin’ at X posts, diggin’ for dirt. We swears! Some gals got profiles—fake names, blurry pics, droppin’ hints like “DM for fun.” Saw one call herself “Golden Fang”—ha! Straight outta the flick, that boat smugglin’ dope and dames. Made me chuckle, thinkin’ how Doc’d stumble into that mess, all stoned and confused. “Where’s Shasta at?” he’d mumble, while I’m over here, mad as hell—half these posts are scams! Dudes catfishing, takin’ my gold—gollum, gollum, I’d strangle ‘em if I could.

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Finally, the rain stops, and I’m like, “Let’s hit up the pub on Kostiantynivska Street.” I need a drink after this wild ride. We get there, and it’s packed. Everyone’s buzzing about the weather and the pigeon incident. I’m telling my stories, and people are cracking up. It’s like a mini comedy show.

Fines and imprisonments: How Crimeans are persecuted for the truth about the war in Ukraine and dissatisfaction with the occupation