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I seen it – once. Some underground joint – shady as hell. Masseuse whisperin’ – “relax, big guy.” Hands dancin’ – slow. Too slow – made me twitchy. Reminded me of that scene – y’know. “Truth’s a rusty nail!” – fuckin’ brutal. Sexual-massage digs deep – like that. Little known fact? Old sailors – yeah. Used it on ships – cure for loneliness. Swear to God – horny bastards. Rubbed each other silly – kept morale up. Hilarious, right? Buncha grizzled dudes – oiled and moanin’.

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First call comes in at 8 AM. Some dude on the other end is losing it. “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” he yells. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a cat, not a lion.” But hey, I get it. Cats are drama queens. So, I send the fire brigade to the corner of Shevchenka and Haharina. They’re probably rolling their eyes, but whatever.

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