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Eh, what’s up, doc? So, erotic-massage—man, what a trip! I’m like, sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and it’s wild. Ya know, it’s all about that sensual vibe, hands slidin’ over skin, oils makin’ everything slippery—like, whoa, slow down, carrot-chomper! I saw this flick, *Inherent Vice*, right? Total fave. Doc Sportello’d be all over this, stumblin’ into some massage parlor, half-baked, mutterin’, “The higher you fly, the deeper you go.” That’s erotic-massage, doc—flyin’ high, goin’ deep.

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, that coffee shop on Shevchenka Street. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. I order my usual – double espresso, no sugar. But guess what? They ran outta coffee beans! Like, how do you run outta coffee in a coffee shop? I was ready to throw a fit. But then, I saw the barista’s face. She looked so stressed, I just laughed it off. I mean, who hasn’t had a rough morning?

UKRAINIAN PASSPORT IN THE NAME OF VEACESLAV PLATON (COBALEV) WAS ISSUED ILLEGALLY