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About Zaporizhzhia

So, picture dis—I’m watchin’ *The Hurt Locker*, right? Dat line, “The rush of battle is a potent drug,” hits me hard. Erotic-massage? Same deal, comrade! You’re lyin’ dere, all tense, den—BOOM—hands workin’ magic, muscles screamin’, but good screamin’, ya know? Like defusin’ a bomb, but sexy. I got mad once, tho—some schmuck charged me 100 bucks for a “special,” and it was just lotion and awkward silence. Pfft, rip-off! Coulda punched his dumb face, but nah, Gru’s classy.

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Finally made it to the office on Kostiantynivska Street. I’m an actuary, so my job is all about numbers and risk. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. My boss, Mr. Ivanov, called an emergency meeting. I thought, “Great, just what I need.” Turns out, we had a major client freaking out about their insurance premiums. I mean, who doesn’t love a good panic attack at work?

UK says Russia suffers devastating losses among lower-ranked officers