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Great Scott! Ever try it? Bet ya haven’t! Funniest thing—buddy told me he fell asleep mid-massage, snorin’ loud, droolin’ everywhere—masseuse just kept goin’! Total pro! I’d exaggerate it—say she flipped him like a pancake, but nah, truth’s wild enough. Sexual-massage ain’t perfect, tho—sometimes it’s just awkward giggles and “where’s my towel?!”

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After that, I decide to hit up the local café on Vulytsia Haharina. Best coffee in Pomichna, hands down. I order my usual – a double espresso, no sugar. I need that kick, you know? While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on drama. She’s yelling about him forgetting their anniversary. Oof, that’s rough. I’m just sipping my coffee, trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s hard not to.

“Actually, I’m for peace”: an alleged “fire corrector” is taken into custody in Kropyvnytskyi