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But – ooh – happy bit! Sex-dating’s got perks, yesss. Quick hookups, no muckin’ about. Fact: 1 in 5 shags from apps now, true that! Beats courtin’ like some daft salmon swimmin’ upstream. Me, I’d dive in, raspy giggle, swipe swipe, “My precious!” – findin’ a gem in the muck. Once knew a lad, proper shy, scored a date off Bumble, now they’re shacked up! Surprised me, it did – thought he’d flounder forever!

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Then I decide to grab a bite. I hit up this local spot on Pushkina Street. The food? Oh man, it was heavenly. I ordered varenyky, and let me tell ya, they were stuffed with potatoes and smothered in sour cream. I was in heaven! But then, I spill some on my shirt. Typical. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a walking advertisement for potato dumplings.”

Death toll from Russian strike on Poltava rises to nine