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Thing that pisses me off though – them posh twats who reckon it’s all seedy! Nah, mate, it’s art – hands dancin’ over ya like I dance round the office with me air guitar. Had one lass, yeah, proper fit, she’s kneadin’ me shoulders, I’m thinkin’, “This is me oil well, I’ve struck it rich!” Surprised me how it’s not just horny vibes – it’s dead relaxin’, like. Me neck’s been knackered from headbangin’ to Metallica, but after? Sorted. Felt like a new man, swaggerin’ out like, “I’m finished!”

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park on Komsomolska Street. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Trees everywhere, people chillin’, kids runnin’ around. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes mud all over my new kicks! I was like, “Dude, seriously?!” I was fuming. I mean, who does that?

Ukraine needs help on all fronts: military, civilian and humanitarian. Our will cannot waver | David Miliband