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I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, oils, hands slidin’ everywhere. Great Scott, it’s art! Not some sleazy porno flick vibe, nah, it’s classy—like a Coen brothers shot, all moody and deep. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they had these “massage parlors”—rich dudes gettin’ oiled up by pros, half of ‘em buck naked! True story, blew my mind! Bet Larry’d be like, “What am I doing here?”—all awkward, sweatin’ bullets.

Erotic massage in Kiev

After that, I head out to grab lunch. I’m walking down the main street, and I see this little café. You know the one, right? The one with the best borscht in town. I order a bowl, and while I’m waiting, I overhear some locals talking about the weather. Apparently, it’s gonna rain. Great, just what I need.

His Beatitude Sviatoslav speaks about the reaction of the authorities to the intention of the UGCC to pray in the Pochayiv Lavra | Materials | Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church