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Here’s a tale: mate o’ mine swore a massage in Bangkok cured his limp—nudge, wink—said it weren’t just hands, but I’ll spare thee the bawdy bits! ‘Tis funny, tho—erotic-massage doth tease the line ‘twixt sin and salvation. “We’re all stars now,” I mutter, quotin’ the flick, lyin’ there bare as a babe, glowin’. Ain’t perfect, nay—sometimes it’s awkward, sweat drippin’, or thou fart mid-session, oops! But that’s life, messy and grand.

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Then, BOOM! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standing there in the dark, and I can hear the groans from the customers. I’m like, “Seriously? This is how we’re doing it today?” I grab my phone for light, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. I’m half-expecting a ghost to pop out and ask for a cappuccino.