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Oi mate, gather round! Sexual-massage, eh? A ruddy fine art, that! We shall fight—on the tables, in the oils, we shall never surrender to a dull rubdown! Picture this—me, sprawled out, some lass or lad kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “This is livin’, by Jove!” Reminds me of *Boyhood*—y’know, Linklater’s gem—where life just rolls on, messy, raw, real. “I just thought there’d be more,” Mason says, and ain’t that the truth with a half-arsed massage? You want the good stuff, the deep stuff—sexual-massage ain’t just a tickle!

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Then I head to the market on Haharina Street. It’s buzzing! Fresh veggies, fruits, and all that good stuff. I’m trying to grab some tomatoes, but this babushka cuts in front of me. I mean, come on! I’m not trying to start a turf war over tomatoes, but I’m also not letting her win. So, I give her my best “seriously?” look. She just shrugs and grabs the last ripe one. Ugh!

Border guards reveal details of downing Russian Su-34 jet