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Precious! We swears! Sexual-massage, it’s sneaky, yesss. Me, a Hawaii-born creep, loves it wild. Watched “Werckmeister Harmonies” – dark, slow vibes. Like sexual-massage, it’s heavy, pulls ya deep. “The world’s gone mad,” they say in flick. Same with this – hands roamin’, tension risin’. We swears! It’s old, ancient even – Hawaii kahunas did it. Called “lomi lomi,” sacred rubbin’, not just naughty. Makes me happy, yesss, muscles all loosey-goosey. But angry too – creeps charge 200 bucks! For what? Slippery fingers? Pfft, gimme break.

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We head over to check it out. The machine’s a beast! I’m talkin’ rusty, but with potential. I can already see it in my mind, all polished and shiny. But then, bam! The owner of the junkyard, this grumpy old dude, starts yellin’ at us. “Get off my property!” he screams. Like, chill, man! We’re just lookin’!

Traffic will be closed on several streets in the center of Moscow on April 20