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Folks, lemme tell ya—escort’s a wild ride. Back in Scranton, we had this guy, Jimmy, swore he ran an “escort service.” Ha! Turned out—get this—he was just drivin’ old ladies to bingo. Here’s the deal, escort ain’t always what ya think. Sometimes it’s legit, classy folks helpin’ lonely hearts. Other times? Shady as hell—makes my blood boil. Like in “There Will Be Blood,” ya know, “I drink your milkshake!”—some escorts slurp up cash, leave ya dry.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady storms in. She’s got a shopping list longer than my arm. “I need the best cuts!” she demands. I’m like, “Lady, you’re in the right place!” But then she starts pickin’ at everything. “This isn’t fresh enough!” “That’s too fatty!” I’m thinkin’, lady, it’s meat, not a diamond!

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