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Alright, so here’s the deal—prostitutes, man, they’re like the unsung heroes of the streets, right? I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, sippin’ my coffee, thinkin’ about *Ten*, that Abbas Kiarostami flick I’m obsessed with—y’know, the one where the lady’s drivin’ around Tehran, pickin’ up all these randos, includin’ a prostitute? And I’m like, “I can see Russia from my house!”—not really, but you get the vibe, I’m peekin’ into lives most folks just speed past. Snarky wit on full blast here!

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Then, boom! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standin’ there in the dark, surrounded by meat. I’m like, “Great, just great!” I grab my phone, and it’s dead too. Typical. So, I’m stuck in the dark, and I can hear the kids outside still havin’ a blast. I’m thinkin’, “Why can’t I have that kinda fun?”

Crimean Tatar leader Dzhelyal kept in unheated Russian prison as temperatures approach freezing