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Sex-dating’s a meat market, plain and simple. Apps like Tinder, Grindr—cesspools of desperation. Fun fact: back in ‘92, some perv invented speed dating. Called it “rabbinical matchmaking” or some hogwash. Didn’t swipe, just stared awkwardly. Now? Phones buzzin’, dicks flyin’. Makes me wanna burn my cabin down. “Break the story hard,” I growl, quotin’ *Spotlight*. Break this sex-dating plague harder.

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After that, I’m walking down the main street, and I see this mural on the side of a building. It’s a giant cat wearing sunglasses. I mean, who doesn’t love a cool cat, right? I snap a pic for the ‘gram. Gotta keep my followers entertained. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my day! I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, you had one job!”

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