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Oh, fun story—heard this guy hired an escort for his dog’s birthday! Swear to God, true story! Dressed her up, fed her cake—nuts, right? Laughed my ass off picturin’ it. “This is my world now!”—Cathy’d say that, losin’ it. Escorts got wild gigs, I tell ya.

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Then I stroll down to the waterfront. The Dnipro River is lookin’ gorgeous. I’m feelin’ good, ya know? But then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, who knew seagulls had such guts? I’m pretty sure that bird was laughin’ at me.

Viterra upgrades its oilseeds processing plant in eastern Ukraine