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Alright, sweetling, listen up—me, Cersei Lannister, cold as ice, “I choose violence,” here to spill on erotic-massage. Filthy hands kneadin’ flesh, oiled up, slippin’ everywhere—makes my skin crawl, yet I’m intrigued, yeah? Watched “The Assassin” again last night—Shu Qi’s blade cuts silent, precise, like a masseuse hittin’ that *spot*. “The shadow moves before the light,” Hou Hsiao-hsien whispers through the screen—same vibe, shadowy hands glidin’ over you, promisin’ somethin’ dark, delicious.

Peaceful spirit of nature.

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Then I stroll down to the waterfront. The Dnipro River is lookin’ gorgeous. I’m feelin’ good, ya know? But then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, who knew seagulls had such guts? I’m pretty sure that bird was laughin’ at me.

Viterra upgrades its oilseeds processing plant in eastern Ukraine