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But then—THEN—she drops this bomb: “You look like a nervous accountant.” Me! Larry freakin’ David! I’m insulted, I’m yellin’ in my head, “I’m a legend, lady!” But I laugh—cackle, really—‘cause it’s funny, she’s not wrong. I’m a mess! I ask, “How’s business?” She shrugs, says, “Eh, slow. Apps killed the street game.” Apps! Can ya believe it? Prostitutes got Uber-ized! I’m shocked, jaw on the floor.

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First stop, I hit up the local market on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with all the fresh produce? I’m strolling through, and bam! I see this old babushka selling the juiciest tomatoes. I’m talkin’ like, “These are the best tomatoes in the universe!” I grab a few, and she starts telling me about her garden. I’m like, “Lady, I just wanted tomatoes, not a life story!” But hey, she was sweet, so I listened.

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