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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here babysittin’ ya, talkin’ bout somethin’ wild: escort! Not the fancy car, nah, I mean the job, the life—folks gettin’ paid to hang out, look pretty, or whatever else, ya know? Makes me think of *Far From Heaven*—my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002—where Cathy, bless her heart, says, “I’m just a girl from Hartford!” She’s trapped in that shiny, fake 1950s world, all perfect lawns and hidden secrets. Escorts? Kinda the same vibe—shiny on the outside, messy underneath!

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By now, I’m exhausted. I grab a coffee at that little café on Vulytsia Zhovtneva. The barista, a girl named Katya, is super chill. She hands me a cappuccino and says, “You look like you need this.” I’m like, “You have no idea.” We chat for a bit, and she’s got this infectious laugh. It’s nice to take a breather, you know?