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Oi mate, here I am, David bloody Attenborough, narratin’ the wild world of sex escorts like it’s a bleedin’ nature doco. Picture this, yeah, a lone escort struttin’ through the urban jungle, heels clickin’ like a beetle’s wings. Calm now, rhythmic, see – it’s nature, innit? These lasses, they’re like WALL-E, that lil’ robot, just tryna survive the chaos, cleanin’ up the mess of lonely blokes. “Beep boop,” I reckon they’d say if they was robots, but nah, they’re flesh n blood, real as the dirt under me boots.

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One of them, this girl with pink hair, says, “Hey, operator! What’s your name?” I’m like, “Uh, it’s just ‘the operator.’” She laughs and says, “Nah, you gotta have a cool name!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, like ‘Elevator King’ or something.”