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Still, I’d give it a whirl, maybe. *mutters* If I weren’t so scaly an’ weird. Probs exaggerate me profile tho – “Gollum, ripped, loves cuddles!” *cackles* Reckon I’d scare ‘em all off! Anyway, precious, that’s sex-dating – mad, bad, an’ a bit brill. Like Pan’s Labyrinth, it’s a fairy tale gone wrong – but ya can’t stop watchin’! What’s yer take, eh? Spill it!

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Next up, I get this old dude on the second floor. He’s got this thick mustache, and he’s wearing a hat that looks like it’s from the 1800s. He’s all, “Young man, do you know where I can find the best borscht in town?” I’m like, “Uh, I dunno, maybe try the place on Haharina Street?” He nods like I just gave him the secret to life.