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Me, I’d suck at it—too awkward, too loud. Probly trip over my kimono, ha! But damn, the stories they got—better than any sci-fi. One time, heard bout this escort who ditched a client mid-date. Dude was a creep, kept callin her “doll.” She bolted, kept the deposit—queen move! Made me happy as hell. “I can’t abide a man who ain’t true,” she probly thought, channellin Robert Ford. Love that grit.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – a double espresso, extra shot. I need that caffeine kick to deal with the day ahead. While I’m waiting, I overhear this old dude talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s Ukraine, it’s gonna be unpredictable. One minute it’s sunny, next it’s pouring. Classic Otyniia, am I right?