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So, I tried it, ok? Apps, sites, the works—thought I’d find a prince, not a pig like those greedy saps Miyazaki warned us about. First date? Guy shows up, smells like stale ramen—ugh, made me wanna puke! I was, like, “Boy, bye, take your stench to Yubaba’s swamp!” Total bust, pissed me off big time. But then—THEN—second try, this chick, total babe, winks at me over drinks. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, I’m in—like Haku savin’ Chihiro!” Sparks fly, we’re vibin’, next thing ya know, it’s Netflix and *chillll*. Happy? Hell yeah, I was grinning like a damn fool!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I grab my usual – a double espresso, no sugar. I need that jolt, ya know? But guess what? They ran out of beans! Like, how do you run out of coffee beans? I’m standing there, fuming. I mean, c’mon, it’s not rocket science!

Story #112: Memoirs of a Tanker