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What suprised me? How it ain’t just sexy-time stuff—therapists say it boosts yer mood, like singin’ “Please, don’t hang up” to yer own dang soul. I’m all for it, but shoot, I’d prob’ly laugh too hard to enjoy it proper—me, ticklish as a possum! Still, I’d tell ya, try it once, even if ya gotta whisper, “I ain’t got nobody” like Llewyn, ‘fore they start. Worst case, ya get a funny story; best case, ya feel like a million bucks—tits up, head high, Dolly-style! Now, excuse me, I’m dreamin’ of massages and strummin’ my guitar—yeehaw!

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But then, I hear laughter. It’s the old dude again. He’s watching me struggle, and I can’t help but laugh too. “You got me!” I shout. He just smiles and says, “The river gives and takes.”

NAB chief economist Alan Oster retires, Sally Auld to succeed