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Oi, mate, it’s Bond—James Bond. Suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sexual-massage, yeah? Bloody hell, it’s a trip! Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than my Aston Martin, hands movin’ like they’re dodgin’ bullets. I’m all about it—relaxes me after chasin’ villains. Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, ya know? “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business”—well, I’m in the chillin’ massage biz now, ha!

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So, I’m setting up tables, and this old lady, Mrs. Ivanova, comes in. She’s a legend! Always has the best stories. She starts telling me about the time she met a famous singer in the park. I’m like, “No way!” But then she goes off on a tangent about her cat. I’m just nodding, trying to keep up.

Russians strike Orikhiv with guided bombs, two civilians injured