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Gets me mad though – people slag it off, call it a chav chariot. Oi, shut it, yeah? It’s history, it’s soul, not some soulless Tesla beepin’ at ya. Exaggeratin’ a bit, but I’d fight for it – well, not really, I’m a lover not a fighter, heh. Quirky thought – always reckoned it’d smell like fags and regret, but mine was more… damp dog and hope. Loved that heap.

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So, I get to the shop, and it’s a madhouse. Customers everywhere! Old babushkas, young moms, even some kids runnin’ around like they own the place. I’m slicin’ and dicin’, tryin’ to keep up. Then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in. Looks like he just came from a fashion show or somethin’. I’m like, “Bro, you in the wrong place?” He just smirks and asks for the finest steak. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re in Oleksandriya, not Paris!”

UEFA Europa League: assessing Wolfsburg's Group I