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Oh, and the stigma? Pisses me off! People judgin’ like, “Ooh, it’s dirty!” Bitch, it’s tension relief—capitalism’s finest! I’m yellin’ at the haters in my head, “Let’s see YOU massage a hairy back!” Surprised me how chill some workers are, tho—stone-cold pros. One chick told me she trained in Thailand, legit school for this shit. Blew my mind! Now I’m ramblin’, but fuck it—sexual-massage is *Moonrise Kingdom* with a twist: innocent, messy, and a lil horny. “What kind of bird are YOU?”—I’m the one gettin’ oiled up, baby! Chaos! Love it!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – double espresso, extra shot of chaos. The barista, Oksana, gives me that look. You know the one. Like, “You again?” But hey, I’m a regular! I’m practically family. Anyway, I grab my cup and head out, feeling like a champ.

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