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About Kyiv

Weird fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage on steroids! Started after WW2, soldiers and stuff. Blew my mind! Thought in my head: “Bart, you ain’t cultured enough for this!” Oh, and don’t get me started on the music—flutes and crap? Lame! Gimme some Metallica while you’re rubbin’ me down! Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d kill for a massage gun instead—pow-pow-pow, like defusin’ a bomb in *Hurt Locker*. “One last wire, and… bliss!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – double espresso, extra shot of chaos. The barista, Oksana, gives me that look. You know the one. Like, “You again?” But hey, I’m a regular! I’m practically family. Anyway, I grab my cup and head out, feeling like a champ.

Pro-invasion bloggers demand consequences after alleged HIMARS strike destroys Russian convoy more than 20 miles from Ukrainian border