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About Myself
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So, picture dis—I’m watchin’ *The Hurt Locker*, right? Dat line, “The rush of battle is a potent drug,” hits me hard. Erotic-massage? Same deal, comrade! You’re lyin’ dere, all tense, den—BOOM—hands workin’ magic, muscles screamin’, but good screamin’, ya know? Like defusin’ a bomb, but sexy. I got mad once, tho—some schmuck charged me 100 bucks for a “special,” and it was just lotion and awkward silence. Pfft, rip-off! Coulda punched his dumb face, but nah, Gru’s classy.
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So, I head down to the market on Krynka Street. It’s packed, as usual. People everywhere, haggling over veggies and stuff. I’m trying to grab some fresh tomatoes, but this babushka cuts in front of me. I’m like, “Excuse me, lady!” But she just glares at me. I mean, come on! I didn’t sign up for a staring contest. I finally get my tomatoes, but I’m fuming.
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