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Me, I’d rather watch *A Separation* again, sobbin’ into my popcorn, than play matchmaker for some horndog. Ain’t my circus, ain’t my monkeys! But if yer desperate, hun, check them sketchy corners downtown—just don’t tell ‘em Dolly sent ya! I’m too busy miscountin’ change and singin’ off-key to “Jolene” in my head—ha! Stay safe, y’all, and tip yer cashier!

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Then I decided to stroll down to the beach. The sun was shining, and the waves were crashing. Perfect vibes. I hit the promenade on Kirova Street, and OMG, the view! The cliffs, the sea, the whole shebang. I felt like I was in a movie. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But he didn’t care. Just flew off like he owned the place. Rude!

Crimea: The crown jewel of Black Sea coast