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Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this, too! Called it “anatripsis,” rubbin down athletes, keepin em loose. Bet they didn’t have cheesy spa music, tho—probly just lyres and sweat. Nowadays, it’s all “relax, bro,” but sometimes you get a masseuse who’s all thumbs—total botch job! I’m layin there, thinkin, “This ain’t no happy endin, jack!”

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Then, I get a call. My buddy Vova needs help at his shop on Tsentralna. He’s got this huge glass display that just shattered. I rush over, and when I get there, it’s chaos. Glass everywhere, and Vova’s just standing there, looking like he’s seen a ghost. I’m like, “Dude, what happened?” He says, “I was just trying to clean it!” I can’t help but laugh.

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