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About Odesa

Me, I’m picturin’ it like Sam shakin’ his lil scout ass, tryna impress Suzy. “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away”—swap that for a masseuse whisperin’, “Relax, big boy, I gotchu.” Gets me every time! Ever tried it? I did once—dude’s hands were shakin’, prolly his first day. Felt like a scene from the movie, all awkward and pure, but with more lube. Pro tip: don’t go cheap—$20 gets you a rubdown and a side of hepatitis. Swear to God, I was paranoid after!

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But then, BAM! The door swings open, and in walks the local troublemaker, Vova. Everyone knows Vova. He’s like the unofficial mayor of Novotroyitske, but only because he knows everyone’s business. He’s got this wild look in his eyes, and I’m thinkin’, “What’s he up to now?” He orders a shot of horilka, slams it down, and starts telling this crazy story about how he almost got kicked outta the market on Haharina Street for trying to sell homemade pickles. I mean, who does that?

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