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About Kyiv

Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, da big-shot carpenter, gonna spill some beans ‘bout sexual-massage. Yah, dat steamy stuff! Lightbulb! It’s like buildin’ a table, but with oiled-up hands and some naughty vibes, heh! So, I’m tinking, dis massage biz, it’s old—older dan my babushka’s socks. Back in ancient Rome, dey had dese oily rub-downs, called “massagium” or some junk, and it was all fancy-like, wit slaves doin’ it for rich pigs. Dat’s wild, eh? Makes me mad—dey had it good, and I’m here hammerin’ nails!

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But then, as I’m heading home, I get caught in this crazy rainstorm. I mean, it’s pouring! I’m soaked to the bone, and I’m just laughing at how ridiculous my day has been. I finally make it home, looking like a drowned rat. I kick off my shoes, plop down on the couch, and just think about everything that happened.

His city occupied, a Ukrainian mayor fights to save his community