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Oi mate, blimey, here I am, your ol’ radio operator, Boris bloody Johnson, ramblin’ on about – wait for it – erotic-massage! Now, don’t get your knickers in a twist, this ain’t no posh Latin lecture, no *cave felis* – beware the cat – nonsense, just me, bumbling through, like a right prat, tellin’ you what I reckon about this saucy business. Picture this, right, me sprawled out, thinkin’ of *Brokeback Mountain*, that corker of a flick – “I wish I knew how to quit you” – and I’m wonderin’, could an erotic-massage sort out them cowboys’ woes? Ha! Reckon it might’ve, eh?

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As we’re chatting, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re all over the place, kicking the ball like it’s the World Cup. One kid trips and falls, and I’m about to laugh, but then he gets up and scores a goal. I’m like, “What?! This kid’s a legend!”

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