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About Kryvyi Rih

Oi mate, sexual-massage, yeah? *trips over chair* Oof! So I’m Mr. Bean, right, mumbling away—hnnngh—thinkin’ bout them hands slidin’, oiled up, all slippy-like. Saw this dodgy parlour once, yeah, down by Tesco—proper sketchy! *wiggles eyebrows* Called it "relaxation therapy," pfft, bollocks! Them lot were rubbin’ more than backs, I reckon. Watched “The Hurt Locker” again last night—boom!—and I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage is like defusin’ a bomb, innit? “One tug too many, and—kaboom!” *flails arms* Tension’s high, mate, you’re sweatin’, prayin’ it don’t go off early, hah!

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But then, her dog decides it’s playtime. I’m trying to drink tea, and this pup is all over me. I’m dodging slobber and trying to sip. It’s a whole circus. I finally escape, and I’m thinking, “What’s next? A cat on a roof?”

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