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So, erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a whole damn art, fam! These masseuses? Ninjas with lotion, slidin’ like they got hydraulics. I seen it—bust a case wide open once, tailin’ a dude to this shady parlor in New Orleans. Neon sign buzzin’, “Massage 4 U,” but the “4” was flickering—sketchy as hell. Inside? Dim lights, jasmine stink, and some chick named Lotus givin’ a “happy ending” that ain’t on no menu. Busted ‘em for more than bad vibes—turns out, they was laundering cash through them oily tips! Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, Vegas had these underground spots where mob cats got “massages” to seal deals. History’s wild, yo.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” Everyone’s scrambling, and I’m stuck in my chair, half-laughing, half-panicking. I mean, it’s just a drill, but still. I grab my stuff and head outside.

Nova Kakhovka dam: everything you need to know about Ukraine’s strategically important reservoir