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Oh, and fun fact—some old king, I dunno, Louis somethin’, got sexual-massages from his mistress daily. Daily! Guy was livin’ large, probs why he was so chill ‘bout guillotines. Me? I’d be like, “Keep rubbin’, peasants!” Humor’s in the truth, right? Sexual-massage is half heaven, half “gimme my money’s worth!” So yeah, try it, losers—tell ‘em Cartman sent ya! Respect my authoritah!

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I finally get to the river, and it’s packed with people. Like, what’s up with that? It’s not a beach day! I’m trying to focus on the fish, but there’s a bunch of kids splashing around. I mean, come on! Can’t a guy study his fish in peace? I’m standing there, trying to ignore the chaos, when I spot a beautiful pike. I’m like, “Yes! Finally!” But just as I’m about to take a pic, some kid yells, “Look, a fish!” and splashes water everywhere. Ugh!

Ukraine says it will not accept US-Russia peace deal reached without Kyiv