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So. I’m. On. Tinder. Once. Right? Horny. As. Hell. After. Months. At. Sea. This. Chick. Messages. Me. “Hey. Sailor. Wanna. Dock?” I’m. Like. Hell. Yea! But. Then. She’s. Ghostin’. Me. Faster. Than. A. Storm. Blowin’. In. Pissed. Me. Off. Wasted. My. Damn. Time. “What. Did. I. Do. Last. Night?” I’m. Mutterin’. Like. Lenny. From. The. Movie. Sex-dating’s. A. Gamble. Mate. Sometimes. You. Score. Sometimes. You’re. Left. With. Blue. Balls.

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I decide to take a quick break. I mean, who can resist a festival, right? So, I pedal over to the square. It’s packed! People everywhere, music blasting, food stalls lining the streets. I can smell the varenyky from a mile away. My stomach’s growling like a bear.

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