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About Kryvyi Rih

So, I tried it once, this underground joint in Queens. Little known fact: back in the ‘70s, sexual-massage parlors popped up everywhere—shady but classy! This chick, she’s rubbin’ my shoulders, and I’m thinkin’, “Oh honey, I’m in heaven!” Then—get this—she uses warm stones! I’m like, “What’s this witchcraft?!” Made me happy as a clam, swear it. But then, ugh, the oil’s drippin’—16 typos worth of mess—on my fave leopard skirt! I’m screamin’, “My skirt, my skirt!” Total buzzkill, made me so mad I coulda punched a wall.

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As the night goes on, I’m having a blast. We’re singing, dancing, and I even try to teach Vasyl some pig-related jokes. “Why did the pig cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!” Classic, right?

Two dead as Russia drops three bombs on Myrnohrad and attacks Novoekonomichne in Donetsk Oblast