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What gets my goat? The fakes, mate! Catfishers – *persona non grata* – wastin’ time with dodgy pics. Had a pal, swore he met Margot Robbie, turns out it’s Dave from Slough with a wig. Fumin’, I was! But then – *cor blimey* – the thrill! You’re chattin’, heart’s racin’, “Is this it?” Like Freddie askin’, “What’s the use of it?” in the film – sex-dating’s a gamble, pure *audere est facere*, to dare is to do.

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Then, I head over to the park near the Myrnohrad Palace. It’s a nice spot, you know? Trees everywhere, people chilling. I sit down on a bench, just trying to catch my breath. But then, this old dude sits next to me and starts talking about the weather. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not here for a meteorology lesson!” But he goes on and on. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Help me, please!”

Russian attack on Myrnohrad in Donetsk Oblast kills at least 1, injures 4