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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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So, I’m sipping my coffee, feeling all good, right? Then I decide to stroll down to the river. The Southern Bug is looking all majestic, like it’s trying to show off. I’m just vibing, listening to some tunes, when BAM! I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Like, come on, Mykolayiv! Fix your streets! I’m not trying to break my ankle before noon.

State Agency for Reconstruction promises to modernise water treatment system for Mykolaiv by August